Here’s an example how can the first chat counseling session looks like. It’s totally fictional! I would never betray the trust of my clients. I have to say that this is not common or the “right way” that therapy works. It’s just me trying to show some aspects of therapy in an interesting and very short version. People are unique! Every one of them. As Yalom says, we should make a unique kind of psychotherapy for every client. And I totally agree.
Therapist: Hi David 😊
Therapist: How are you today?
David: I don’t know…
Therapist: It’s ok.
David: How is it ok?
David: I don’t think so…
Therapist: See?
Therapist: You’re not being honest.
Therapist: And one and only thing that is important, is being honest.
David: I’m aware.
Therapist: I’m not sure that you are.
Therapist: Maybe you should think a little bit more…
David: I don’t think so…
David: I didn’t lie…
Therapist: You did.
Therapist: You just can’t see it.
Therapist: Let’s try again…
Therapist: How are you today David?
David: I already said!
David: I don’t know!
Therapist: Don’t get mad. 😊
Therapist: I’m trying to help you…
David: I know, but it seems like you don’t believe me.
Therapist: I totally believe you.
Therapist: But in therapy, it’s not just what you say.
Therapist: To be honest, much important is what you don’t say.
David: What am I not saying then?
Therapist: I don’t know that.
Therapist: You’re the only one who knows.
David: I don’t understand…
Therapist: The truth is never in words.
Therapist: It’s in the way you say them or what your body says while you talk or when you are silent…
David: But you can’t see me, right?
Therapist: True.
Therapist: But I can hear you.
David: And I said I don’t know how I feel…
Therapist: And what did you said when I told you It’s ok to not know how you feel?
David: I said I’m not sure it’s a good thing.
Therapist: No.
Therapist: You said you DON’T THINK it’s good.
David: Ok…
David: I can’t see the difference.
David: And I still don’t understand why do you think that I lied…
Therapist: Can I ask you a simple question?
David: Do I have a choice?
Therapist: You always have a choice.
Therapist: Even when it looks like you don’t.
David: Of course…
David: Ask.
Therapist: When something is not good, what is it?
David: It’s bad.
Therapist: Correct!
David: It was a stupid question.
Therapist: Can you think a little about the question?
Therapist: Why do you think I asked you that?
David: Because you didn’t believe what I said.
Therapist: And why do you think I didn’t believe you?
David: I don’t know.
Therapist: There’s a lot that you don’t know.
David: I think this is not going anywhere…
Therapist: How do you feel now?
David: Nervous.
Therapist: Are you sure?
David: Obviously not…
Therapist: So?
Therapist: How do you feel now?
David: Mad!
Therapist: Correct!
David: It’s obvious!
Therapist: It was also obvious that you know how you feel today.
Therapist: But you chose to lie.
Therapist: As I already said, we all have choices.
Therapist: All the time.
David: Ok, maybe I don’t feel good!
David: Why does it matter?
Therapist: It does.
Therapist: Everything matters!
David: But my problem is not how I feel today or do I say honestly how I feel today.
David: It’s much deeper than that!
Therapist: Good.
Therapist: Now we’re getting somewhere. 😊
David: You seem happy?
Therapist: I am.
Therapist: For you.
Therapist: You’ve made a first step.
Therapist: and it’s the hardest one.
David: But I didn’t do anything.
Therapist: Wrong.
Therapist: You’re being more honest.
Therapist: And believe me, that’s the hardest one.
David: I just said that I’m not feeling “good” today.
David: That’s nothing…
Therapist: Was it hard?
David: What?
Therapist: Being honest?
David: No.
David: Because it was UNIMPORTANT!
Therapist: Great!
David: Are you insane?!
David: What the fuck is great in that?
Therapist: You need to learn how to listen to yourself.
David: Why would I listen to myself?
David: I know what I think, say…
Therapist: You don’t.
David: Ok.
David: Can you tell me what I don’t see?
Therapist: You said that it wasn’t hard
Therapist: telling the truth…
David: So?
Therapist: But then you said
Therapist: “BECAUSE” it’s unimportant.
David: …
Therapist: Implying…
Therapist: It WOULD BE hard to be honest, if it’s something important.
Therapist: What do you think?
David: Maybe you’re right…
Therapist: It doesn’t matter if I’m right.
Therapist: I’m giving you options.
Therapist: Only you know if it’s true.
David: I don’t know…
Therapist: And again, you don’t know. 😊
Therapist: Are you sure you don’t?
David: To be honest,
David: now I’m not sure.
David: You confused me…
Therapist: Good.
Therapist: Actually, great!
David: Still don’t get it.
Therapist: I made you think.
Therapist: And it’s not just any thinking.
Therapist: It’s the first “kind” of thinking you need to learn.
David: Which is?
Therapist: To think about the true nature of your feelings.
Therapist: The minute you become aware of your true feelings, half of therapy is done.
David: If that’s true,
David: I’m half healed now?
Therapist: Unfortunately, no.
David: So, you’re lying to me?
Therapist: No.
David: Ok, if that’s true, how did I make this first step?
Therapist: Because you’re starting to listen to yourself.
Therapist: But you need to know
Therapist: you’ve just started!
Therapist: It’s a long road.
David: Oooooook…
Therapist: One more question and we need to make a break for today.
David: But I didn’t say anything that bothers me!
Therapist: You said and did a lot more than you think right now.
David: This is a waste of time and money.
Therapist: If you think it is, then it is.
Therapist: I’m here to try and understand you.
David: If you say so…
Therapist: The last question:
Therapist: Can you see now how hard it was for you to be honest for a simple thing like how do you feel today?
David: Yes…
Therapist: Are you aware how much harder it would be to be honest if it’s something really important to you?
David: I don’t want to lie.
David: I know I need to tell the truth, so you could help me deal with my problems.
Therapist: And I believe you.
Therapist: Are you aware that you lie unconsciously?
Therapist: And you lied about the little “unimportant” thing…
David: Ok… I’m aware now…
Therapist: That’s why you’re on beginning.
Therapist: It’s the hardest step
Therapist: but it’s still just a first step. 😊
David: Hm… I need to think about this…
Therapist: Great. 😊
Therapist: Think and we’ll talk about it in a week. 😊
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